To-The-Point Guy

You can always spot them. The bachelor parties where all the guys look the same and are usually drinking hard liquor…Makers. Jack. A shot of Jaeger. Each sporting a long sleeve dress shirt with jeans…maybe a baseball cap but usually lots of just awkward hair gel (you can always pick out the ones who wear the gel just on “special” occasions). Cute, casual and ready to take on the town.

On this particular Saturday night I’m at the bar with a friend and our luck thus far was an old man in a Hawaiian shirt. So when I had the opportunity to make eye contact and flirt with one or two of the guys at the bar, I made a strong effort. After about 15 min of not catching anyone’s eye long enough to indicate my interest, one of the boys hollered over to me “OK, so which one of us are you interested in?” Obviously mortified I made up something flirty about not needing to pick out just one. Finally as the boys go to leave, Mr. To-The-Point came over and stated in a very matter of fact way “You’re cute, but we’re all taken. 3 married, 3 engaged and 2 with girlfriends. BUT we’ll be back to have a drink.” No, I did not hold my breath in anticipation. He just managed to speak one sentence and used all three bad words in that one sentence…“girlfriend, engaged, married.”

Interestingly enough, as I’m on my 3rd cucumber martini, I get a kiss on the check and turn to see Mr. To-The-Point. Again in not so gentle a manner, he tells me “So, I’m going to lay it out there. Our stripper just cancelled and we need a girl or two last minute. You and your friend are cute. Would you girls be interested?”

Of course he was kidding (right?), so I told him he couldn’t afford us as I then quoted our billable rates as attorneys and engineers (you know…those kind of professional women). Less than a second passed before he agreed. WAIT? WHAT?!? I just quoted him an exaggerated billable rate (from which I keep less than 30%) and he just agreed without blinking…without smiling…and with complete seriousness (almost panic) as he tried to find women for his bachelor party. Needless to say I turned down the job, and he immediately walked away…proving that it was NOT just some odd flirty pick-up but an actual proposition. He didn’t stay around to laugh it off, but went on his way to find a girl willing.

All of this did lead me to wonder…what price could I have set that would have at least led him to blink? Are strippers on to something? Set your own hours and keep more than 30% (of an hourly rate MUCH higher than any firm would pay). I do wonder if they ever found 2 friends to fill the spot and what those women actually do for a living.

Lesson Learned: Be careful who you try to make eye contact with at the bar. You may end up discovering that strippers make more money than you do and this can be a bit discouraging.